A Scalding Hot Coffee
by Flag rha
Summary: Jeff joins a gang. Its rad.
1. Chapter 1

Scalding Hot Coffee

A Earthbound Fanfiction

In case you don't know, this story is the story told by Jeff about Jeff's story which is, about Jeff. Jeff was waking up when he woke up one morning whiff a cup of scalding hot coffee. By the way, have you ever had scalding hot coffee try to rape your fucking mouth in the morning? I bet you haven't you lucky son of a bitch. Anyway jeff drank the scalding hot coffee. Jeff hp is maxed out! He walked down the stairs of his dormitory to get to the elevator so he could head downstairs. Tony was waiting for him at the table. You know, the table. Only a fool would be unable to recognize this fucking table. Tony was smoking a bakers' dozen of cigarettes in his mouth, which was pretty rad. Tony leand towards jeff with his sunglasses reflecting in. He says, Jeff do you want to join a gang". Jeff though this pretty rad was pretty rad. I'm rad and I think this is rad too. Join a fucking gang already. Anyway Jeff didn't even has to say yes for to be accept. So they went and left winters on the sky runner which Tony had painted in the rad colors of rainbow. Don't you think rainbows are rad? Anyways they parked the sky runner in a rad parking garage in Onett. Mafia is pretty cool isn't it bro Tony said as he opened the valve that unlocked the mechanical opening sequence which opened the Sky Runner door. They went as fast as their feet could carry them, which was pretty fast, like sonic the hedgehog before he fucking sucked dick. They went to the arcade ofonett which was packed to the top of the brim of a hat with rad dudes. Actually these dudes were so rad that its more respectful to call them rad doodz. Tony gave them the secrt code to get in, no I cant fucking tell you the code because otherwise it wouldn't be a fucking secret. The bouncer let them in as they entered the strip club. The bartender knew tony so he offered him a bottle of draft. Tony graciously accepted the margerita and chugged the whole thing in one bite. Tony was pretty rad. But even tony radness could barely be competing with the rad doodz gathered in the pizza parlor. There was teddy (a fucking badass redneck from the deep sourth) pippi (not pippi long stocking you fucking lawyer shits) and beartiger, (im pretty sure I don't need to explain how rad a bear tiger hybrid would be). Ness wasnd there though because he was not rad, in fact hes fucking lame ass vanilla adventures of doing heroic shit will never be mentioned here because theyre fucking boring as fucking pop tarts seriously who fucking likes pop tarts, not any fucking rad doodz that's for sure. Well teddy was the leader of this gang and the gangs name was Fucking Rad Doodz Gang Club. Or fucking awesome gang for short. Teddy came up to Tony was was like "Sup my bro, whos dis kid," Tony took a nother smoke of his margerita and said Jeff. Bear tiger said "growl" because even though bear tiger hybrids are rad they can't talk on account of being bear tiger hybrids. Pippi NOT FUCKING LONGSTOCKING said "lol this guys a neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerd". Jeff was inwardly outraged you could tell by how pissed he was. So he took a multi rocket bottle cocktail and blew the fuck out of the strip club. Teddy was blown away. He said "dude, join gang? You"

To be contined.


	2. Chapter 2

A Scalding Hot Coffee Part Two Bitches Don't Know About My Space Hummer

So this wuz just after jeff went over kill bitch and blew the fuck out of the rad doodz apartment. Beartiger said woof which meant woof. Jeff was like, yea bro ill join your gang so I can be in da hood. Tony was like, dude, that's so radd. So jeff joined da gang which was called da BLOOD BRODDAS cause they were broddas and they had blood sometimes. The first thing they did was get in their bitchin car and roll all windows down and play rap music while driving through twoson. it's a great song by little wayne you should listen to it, it captures all of life's finer subleties. Next thing they did wuz drive over to the ghetto basketball court to dunk some mad bballz. Of course since they were the baddest gang in da neighborhood no team had ever dunked them so they split up to play against each other. Tony Jeff and Beartiger wuz on one side, Teddy Pippi BURN IN HELL YOU FUCKING SOULESS LIGITATORS and the guy from space jam. Then they were on the court setting it on fire with their mad bballz skillz. Tony had the bbal and passed it to bear tiger. bear tiger passed to jeff and he slam dunk it and also broke the billboard. Juts then they saw their car was occupied by Ness and Paula and the guy from Karate kid who was asian. They were jacking their shit! Jeff ran over but it was too late. Teddy said: damn mothafucka, what we gonna do now? So jeff called over the sky runner which he fixed, and also had a new paint job with little wayne and vanilla ice and kanye west the best musicians known to mankind. They all got in. Tony wuz like, yo jeff this is one cool crib you got here. Jeff was like, yeah, BITCHES DON'T KNOW ABOUT MY SPACE HUMMER, now let's go get our car back.

To be contineud


	3. Chapter 3

Part Three: Blood Broddaz vs. Da Poleece

So jeff and his doodz were takin da sky runna over to where there car was stolen. Jeff turned on the radio to little wayne station and it was pretty cool. Den jeff looked out da window and gasped. Ness and his crew were takin da car to da cops! Jeff put the lever to land sky runner right in front of da car but it was too late, da cops were everywhere. So dis one cop goes up to ness and is like, "license and registration please" so ness give hims his drivers license like a pussy. Den jeff get out of da sky runner and is like, NO DAZ OUR CAR and he took out his lazer gun which he pimped out with a snow cone to reference vanilla ice and shot ness but he dodge it. Den all da cops take out der guns and start shooting so jeff wuz like "YOULL NEVER GET ME COPPAS!" and takes sky runner and flies off. Teddy was like man jeff dey got our car to da poleece, what we gonna do? So jeff goes all serious and is like FUCK DA POLEECE, I got a plan. Jeff ramm the sky runner into da police station then jumps out like Arnold Schwarzenegger and does the thing where he shoots everyone while yelling YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. Da coppas all went down cause you cant stop da jeff when he goes machine blazing, then ness is all like BITCH and does the seizure attack and jeff fall down. Tony was like NO JEFF and den he tries to charge him but he hit him with a baseball bat. Teddy wuz like shit so he grab jeff and tony back in da sky runner and fly away before he could cast da pk seizure attack again. L8er dey were back in da strip club and jeff wake up. Teddy is like Jeff u godda get stronga before you can show dat cracka whos boss. Den all of a dudden a meteor came from da ceiling, and a bug came out of it. Da bug was like yo I herd u guys had a problem with some crackas jacking your shit, but im here to help. Da only way you can beat PK seizure is wif da ring of awesome, but das not gonna be hard to find. I godda map, so he pulled out da map but bear tiger accidentely squish him. Ugh said da bug so jeff leened in reel close. U godda get da ring, jeff, said da bug den he died. Jeff look angrily at ground, den said, I avenge u brodda, we get dis ring, beat ness, get our car back.

To be contined


	4. Chapter 4

Part 4: Da Homies On a Journy

Jeff got on da table in his house (he bought a bitchin house cause hes bitchin). He took out some cards and put dem in his pipe and wuz like, yo homeez were dis ring at. Bear tiger said "bowwow" which meant "I FUCKING HATE DOGS". You can tell bear tiger is pretty pissed but none knew why. Jeff wuz like well DEN whoz wif me to find diz ring and beat dat cracka. All of da homies gathered round da table were like ya. Kay so jeff sed "we start by goin to the opposite of right which is right cause I never went there in the last game" so dey got on a boat and went to the left. Soon dey were at da new land which wuz filled with mountains and shit. Jeff was like damn ngga (A/N NOT RACIST I have a black friend dat says it all the time) how we gonna climb dis mountain and teddy was like we climb dis mountain just like that. But it was too snow so they couldn't climb it. So dey went to look for a way round dat mountain and sheeeet. Den dey found a sekret entrance but it wuz locked so beartigr punched it open. Dey went inside and it was cold and dark and wet so tony put on a little wayne song and it was better. Den dey got to a big rom and den dey saw a big red fing. It shot fireballz at dem so bear tiger punched dem out of da way with bar hands. Da big red thing wuz like YOU FOOZ I WUZ SUMMOND BY NASS TO BEATYU den bear tiger punched his fucking face in but he stabed at last second and bear tiger fell down. Jeff run over. Beartiger what we do wifout you but bear tiger just died cause stab. A tear doped down jeffs face JUST KIDDING HES WAY TOO RAD FOR CRYING. Den dey went out and were in de woods. Den a voice said HALT CAPTIALISTS and jeff said whos that and the voice said THE SECRET TRIBE OF HIPPIES WE OWN DIS FORECT ANY CAPTALISTS WHO TRY AND CUT IT DOWN CAN BURN IN HELL so jeff said no we no entrepenurs we sell candy bars so da hippie was like k bro so come in and jeff wuz like to his friends lets jack all their shit so they stole a bot and got the fuck outta dere before the cops showd up. Dey took da bots on a river den turn on da motors and were flyin supa fast b4 dey got to a whirl. So dey got on da shore and wuz like bros lets split up I gotta take a dump. Jeff wuz over dere den pippi came, over. Pippi said "jeff I want you glasses I kill you" so jeff punch her teeth out den suddenly da cops came and starting shoting and pippi was down and jeff barely wuz out. De others were like shit man lets scram so the scrammed. Tony was with jeff and teddy and were an the other side. Tony wuz like jeff we gotta keep going so they went.

To be contined


End file.
